One of those days?

Another one of those days. My son doesn’t like to sleep much at night. Today, this meant I was in zombie mode. Luke was especially grumpy today & I felt myself at odds with him. Next, I hear my inner disciplinary lecturing me about my lack of parenting skills. I missed my morning devotion time. I declare to myself that this day is a right-off…or, is it??

As I take note of my defeating thoughts, I am convicted that there is a Truth for today I am missing.

I am a new creation in Christ. The old has passed. There is a new operation in order. His blood & breath flow through me amidst the defeat I feel. Every moment I can start over in Him because He has set me free from my past (yes, the past can be 5 minutes ago!)

Romans 12 beckons me to believe it:

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind

This is work for me.

I recall the words of one of my mentors, yes, Richard. He writes, “Nobody seems to believe they are free. We don’t believe we have personal responsibility; that we are able to respond freshly and freely. Thus we play the victim [poor me, I haven’t slept all night!] or look for whom to blame [my son!], anything so we won’t have to own our own freedom.”

“In contemplative prayer, we move into a different realm. It is not the arena of merit, or reward and punishment ….it is the realm of pure grace and freedom!!!

To break the above paragraph down: When I have a good sleep, I find it easier to treat those around me well which means I find it easier to believe the Truth about who I am [merit] in Christ. When I think bad thoughts about myself, Luke, & my parenting, I find it hard to believe [punishment] the Truth that I am a beloved daughter of God. Oh, to enter that beautiful realm of pure grace and freedom in these moments!!

Oh God, enable us to be responsible for the freedom we have in you. Enable us to think and act freshly and freely!! Enable us to stop playing the victim or blame something else…..this is freedom!!!