I am not the Center

I’m starting to discover a new Truth in my life: I am not the Center.

Yes, I know I’m a little slow on the learning continuum, but I think that Luke is teaching me this on a gut-level. I may have known this in my head for many years but I’m starting to know this in my body and in my heart.

My life has always been all about me: which colleges I wanted to attend, which missions programs I wanted to be a part of, which countries I wanted to travel to…etc.
I’m not saying this is bad – it was important for my own development as a young chicky, however it did revolve all around me. Let’s just say this philosophy of living doesn’t work when you are a parent—nevermind just parenting--to be in healthy community it can’t be all about me!!

The past month when I have become frustrated with Luke and start feeling sorry for myself, this mantra keeps coming to mind:

I am not the Center. I am not the Center. I am not the Center.

Somehow it gets my mind off of “poor me” and enables me to parent him out of a space that is “others-focused”…this statement actually gives me energy to love him…strange yet wonderful when you are sleep-deprived.

I challenge you to try it next time things don’t go your way. It’s actually quite freeing to learn that your life is not all about you.

Next up, practicing this mantra in my marriage…hmmm…

A Conversation at IHOP

Below is a scene adapted from the film, "Away We Go"

This scene found me in the throes of parenting & reminded me of my role as a new parent.

INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES -- MIDNIGHT
(Burt & Verona are about to have a baby & are out with their friends Tom & Munch who have a couple of kids. Tom is telling them what it means to be a family. The four of them are in a booth. Tom is feasting on a large
stack of pancakes, with an enormous side of bacon).

TOM
And here’s your house.

(He sticks 4 toothpicks into his pancakes to represent walls and a coaster on top as its roof)

But what is this? Is that home, is
that a family? No, no. Course not.
That’s just the raw material -- the
people, the walls, the furniture,
your jobs, maybe a nanny or
grandmother. The basics. That’s not
a family, that’s not a home. The
thing that binds it all together is
this. (He holds up the maple syrup & begins to pour it all over the toothpick “house”)

This is love.

This is your love, guys, your
patience, your consideration, your
better selves. Man, you just have
no idea how good you can be! But
you have to use all of it.

(the syrup is everywhere
now, inches of it)

It’s not like simple brick and
mortar, where you use a little
layer of mortar between the bricks.
With this, you have to use TONS of
it. For every brick, there’s a halfton
of mortar.

It’s the glue. It’s all those
good things you have in you -- the
love, the wisdom, the generosity,
the selflessness, the patience.
Patience at 3am, patience after
work, patience when you feel like
your life is passing you by and
you’re waiting for your baby to
burp -- you have to amp that
patience aspect so much it’ll make
you sick.

Man, you have to be so
much better than you ever thought!

I love that last line..."you have to be so much better than you ever thought!" So very true.

Day 9

Day 9 has me feeling mostly tired but hopeful.

The last two nights have different highlights. Friday night Luke only woke up 4-5 times (his average is about 8 times), however, last night Luke woke up 10 times, but had his longest sleeping stretch yet (3 ½ hours). Napping was excellent yesterday but not so much today.

We still have no ability to predict how naps or nights will go, but we have definitely seen improvements in his sleeping habits. Sticking with a routine proved to be a helpful decision.

The next 10 days we will try to shorten the nap routine (it usually takes us about 20 min to get him down) & put him in his bed BEFORE he falls asleep. Yaaa…more challenges ahead, but there would be anyway, right parents??!!

Anybody have advice on how to move Luke’s bedtime to a later hour?? He gets sleepy by 7 but has so much awake time during the night, it seems he’s in bed too long.

Day 7

Day 6 Luke's napping regressed a bit. He had 3 shorter naps again at 30 or 40 minutes...but still better than his typical 20 minute naps. Today he had 2-1 hour naps & 1-35 minute nap.

This approach is really a longer-term-slow-change method and bids us to celebrate the small things, so I'm hoping this is less shocking on his system than other methods. I am reminded of what my professors tell me in the therapy realm, "change is slow." So true on so many levels!

At night he has slept longer during the last two nights than our previous ones. Both nights he has been awake for just over 2 hours. Still is hard on the system, but a lot better than the awful 4 hour awake-time he had on day 3.

Toodles!

7 1/2 month Weigh-In

Luke weighed in today at 21 lbs 12 1/2 ounces.

Height-wise he is 27 1/2 inches

Hmmm...a fifth of my body weight & almost half my size.

A Hobbit has given birth to an Elf.

Day 5

Well last night Luke was awake a whopping 4 hours (not all in a row)…way less crying though…and the amount of times we have needed to pick him up in the night and walk him to sleep has decreased which is incredible, this has never happened to us! Not quite sure what the nights are about. He’ll fuss a bit, then talk for awhile, then doze off…

Naps continue to improve. With some napping interventions (we rush into his room when we hear a noise and put the soother back in or put a hand on him and sing) to help him to get a full-length nap. So far it is working! He has gone from 20 minutes, to 30 minutes, to an hour and a half!!

Well I guess I’ll say it again, tonight can only get better right?!!

10-Day Log

I had no idea motherhood was so consuming. I also had no clue I could function on so little sleep…the body really is amazing

As many of you know, my son does not sleep. Usually not more than 2 hours at a time. Before Christmas we experienced a miracle, he slept for one shift of 4-5 hours long for about a week and a half! However, with all the hustle and bustle of Christmas this pattern was quickly broken…I’m still trying to get over this one.

I have started a 10 day plan (based on Elizabeth Pantley’s The No Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways To Help Your Baby Sleep) of sticking to a routine as best as I can with him. Right now my goal is to get him to sleep on his own mattress during naps and during the night. Usually he is held for naps & he usually sleeps with me in bed & I’m finding that this isn’t sustainable for us anymore.

I’m on day 3. So far today he has napped longer than his naps on day 1 & 2, so that’s encouraging. Night-wise, we had our worst night last night…3 hours of being awake & 2 of those were spent crying…I think our little one has developed a temper…so the good news is that this next night can only get better!!

I’ll keep you posted!