Wealth and Fulfillment (do these words go together?)

I’ve been reading Luke 12: 22-34 for the last number of weeks, wishing & hoping that some day I will get it. I wish so badly that I would “not be so preoccupied with getting so that I could respond to God’s giving.” I wish I didn’t fuss about the clothes in my closet & that I would be more concerned with “a bank that can’t go bankrupt” that is more concerned with making kingdom deposits rather than storing up material goods.

Jesus’ audience in this passage is his disciples, who are not the wealthy-type as far as I know. A lot of the gospels are written to the poor so I was trying to hear this passage imagining I didn’t know where I would get my next meal from tomorrow. “Don’t worry about what you will eat or drink,” This to me, would sound either ludicrous or wonderful if I were poor. Jesus then encourages them to look at the lifestyle of birds who are “carefree in the care of God [and we] count far more to him than the sparrows.” A call to trust. I feel I don’t even have this opportunity to trust b/c I pretty much know I will be fed today and tomorrow.

If I was dirt poor (like the majority of the world) I would not have the option of making myself happy by buying new clothes, spending all day on the internet, going out to a restaurants, joining a yoga class, travelling, or cooking just for the heck of it. I would not have the option of finding fulfillment or enjoyment in these things. So where must they find their fulfillment?? I’m guessing within their relationships & within themselves rather than searching externally for fulfillment. Thus, I have heard that the poor have a headstart over us wealthy people when it comes to trusting God! And so I understand Matt 5:3 which states “blessed are the poor..”

“The poor of the world do not have the luxury of assuming that external things will offer them fulfillment. They don’t have access to them so they have to find life at a deeper, immediate, and more simple level.” (Rohr)

And so I struggle. I want to know the unshakable riches of being RICH in relationships, RICH in knowing Christ dwells within and that He is enough. But I fear what it may take to get there.